As a midwife for three decades I guided women and families through the miracle and mystery of birth. Every day families taught me about their cultural, spiritual and family beliefs surrounding pregnancy and birth. I witnessed their fear of the unknown coupled with amazing joy and wonder. What a gift to be allowed into such an intimate journey!
Near the end of my career my parents were facing the challenges of aging. While my dad struggled with Alzheimers, my mother was weighed down by caregiver demands. When my dad moved from home to a memory unit I helped run my parents’ household for twelve years.
I was the Health Care Agent for both of my parents. Ahead of their time, Mom and Dad gave me completed Health Care Directives long before I was faced with the real life decisions. During early Alzheimer’s my dad talked openly about which interventions he did and did not want. When the end of life’s journey was evident to all of us I had the power of love from my siblings who were able to give “all hands on deck” support. My parents’ clarity and foresight helped keep us all on the same page.
I needed family support as I learned that the medical world often pushes for more treatment without considering prolonged suffering. When I finally requested a hospice consult, support and comfort came rushing through the door and their shared wisdom allowed me to sit at each of my parents’ bedsides as they took their final breaths.
When my brother faced four years of cancer, we all grappled with “Hope.” When do we change from hope for a cure to hope for completing goodbyes to loved ones and a peaceful ending? He achieved one of his last wishes by arranging to fly over and say farewell to all the mountain peaks he once had climbed.
Today I find that birth and death beg for answers to the same questions: What is my understanding of this journey or this diagnosis? What are my hopes? What are my fears? Speaking about these questions took me on an intimate journey with myself and my loved ones. Embracing my answers helps me live more deeply now.
What keeps me on track? Biking, yoga, gardening, book club, masters swimming and my annual August swim from Bayfield to Madeline Island in Lake Superior. Best of all: laughing with my young grandkids!